On the Cusp of Fat

I thought about taking a picture of my feet on my own scale, but I desperately need a pedicure.

I thought about taking a picture of my feet on my own scale, but I desperately need a pedicure.

I am on the cusp of being fat. That’s a hard thing for me to admit because I have been thin—even downright skinny—for much of my life.

How do I know that I am almost fat? My weight oscillates between 148 and 150. When I calculate my BMI at 148, I get a 24.6. At 150, I get 25. Anything over 24.9 is considered overweight. Yeah, so I am always living one brownie away from officially being, um, plump.

I know that if you are reading this and you have seen me lately, you are probably thinking, “Oh, pleeeeease. You are not fat. You look fine to me.” Or maybe that is what you would say to me because you are a nice person, but you might be thinking, “Well, thank God! You are finally seeing that you have let yourself go. I’ve wanted to say something, but how?!?!?”

Well, thank you for either seeing me as thinner than I actually am or biting your tongue to spare my feelings, but really, this is not about how I look or about comparing myself to anyone else—not to the super-models in glossy magazines or other 40-somethings.

And if you are over-weight and thinking, “She thinks she’s fat? She must think I’m obese,” please know that my blog is about me and how I feel about me. I’m not commenting on anyone else’s weight and I’m never out to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I know weight is a hard subject for most women. The truth is people come in different shapes and sizes, and I see that as proof God likes variety. But for me, I would like me to be a little thinner. God loves me–and you–no matter what we weigh.

It’s not about the size I wear. Or that I weigh more than my husband. (Yeah, ladies, you cringed when you read that, didn’t you?) Or really even the number on the scale. This is about how I feel.

As a former thin person, I can tell you firsthand that everything feels better when sporting a slimmer bod! Sitting, standing, sleeping, moving, everything—even typing. And of course, the obvious: Shopping for clothes! Shopping for clothes feels so good when you can just pull something off the rack and know it will fit. God, how I miss tear-free swimsuit shopping!

Ten pounds ago, I slept better and I had more energy. Ten pounds was only a year ago and so I remember it well.

I can only explain the weight gain by saying I am a stress-eater. Not too long ago, I came home to a power outage and instead of investigating the cause, I sat down and ate a box of Cheez-its. That’s a pretty typical response for me, and considering that it has truly been the most difficult year of my adulthood, I’m lucky I’ve gained 10 pounds, and not 80.

And I’m physically lazy. I hate exercise.

The question is, what am I going to do about it—beyond finding a more constructive way to deal with challenging situations?

For the first time in my entire life, I want to get serious about not just weight loss, but about my health, in general. I’ve been reading Michael Mosley’s The Fast Diet, which is less about a diet and more about a major lifestyle change that involves fasting two days per week. On fast days, I can have 500 calories and on non-fast days, I just have to eat sensibly–so no downing a box of Cheez-its in the dark. Ideally, the benefits will include lower cholesterol, more energy, a stronger heart, and even an improved memory–in addition to the much wanted weight loss. I’m giving this a go! And that is why I’m sharing it here. Mosley recommends telling people so that I’ll feel accountable. I’m sure he would also like you to think, “Now, I’m curious. I think I will run out and buy his book.”

I’m going to find my way back to the gym, too. And I’m going to buy some kind of device that lets me download and listen to books to stave off boredom while on the treadmill or elliptical or some other torture device. Yeah, have I mentioned that I hate exercise?

So, there you have it—my confession that I am almost over-weight and unhappy about it AND I’m announced my plans for radical change.

And I’m pleased to report that while typing this blog-post, I have not been snacking. Yay me! This counts as a step in the right direction–and probably the only exercise I will get today. Well, unless you count lifting my mother-in-law. Hmmm…I should count that. I have biceps these days.


7 thoughts on “On the Cusp of Fat

  1. Dana

    BMI isn’t a great way to assess how healthy or overweight you are… think about a bodybuilder who is 5’8″ and exceptionally fit; they come out on the “extremely obese” side of the BMI scale. Ridiculous! A much better way to see where you are is to measure actual fat instead of weight. (There are specialized scales that do this.) I’d also highly recommend some sort of organized exercise (like CrossFit, etc.) to help you along. You talked about accountability, and there’s nothing more encouraging than a healthy dose of peer pressure!

    1. peanutbutteronrye Post author

      I thought of that–“Well, I could be 150 lbs. of muscle” but I’m NOT. Remember the old Special K commercial? I CAN pinch more than an inch–and then some.

      Also, I would love to do classes again–for the accountability. I miss my yoga and pilates classes, but the reality of my life right now is that I would have to find a class close to me (and there is very, very little that is close to me) and it would have to happen at 5 am since the only time I can leave the house alone is before my guy goes to work in the morning. Of course, on the bright side, “the reality of my life” will change at some point. Everyone’s does!

  2. ferberama

    I pretty much could have written this, except I hate Cheezits, and I actually do like to exercise. Got on the scale this morning after a week’s vacation — and voila! Five more pounds are there! I used to be really skinny, too, and I could eat ANYTHING. Not true anymore, and, with two 4-year-olds to deal with, time for me (i.e., exercise) is pretty much nonexistent. Gotta figure something out! Thanks for sharing so honestly. Donna

  3. Lisa

    Dang, Napoleon, looks like it did get lost. Okay this is what I said – or a paraphrase of it.
    “God, how I miss tear-free swimsuit shopping!” Seriously??? Sorry, but even when I was a fit teen/young adult doing 200 situps a day (for reals), I dreaded the harsh lighting of fitting rooms, stray back/chest zits, and mismatched bikinis. Don’t get me started on the nastiness that is the flimsy adhesive strip. I think it’s great that you are feeling motivated to get in shape. I really do. You can do it!! Just don’t forget that you are a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.
    And if you don’t get that “Dang, Napoleon” reference, remind me to enlighten you. Someone in my family says it at least once a day.

    1. Lisa

      And I reread this entry and realized you are a lucky gal, indeed. “shopping for clothes feels so good when you can just pull something off the rack and know it will fit”. Never, ever had that experience. Never. Seriously. Not even when I was dangerously thin at 5’6″ and 105 lbs. Even then, I’d grab a range of 3 to 4 sizes, haul them all into the fitting room, and see what fit, crossing my fingers. The size I bought always depended on the cut and maker for me. Girl, if you were able to shop like a man and just buy clothes without having trying them on or returning them once you got home and realized they didn’t fit like you thought you would/should, consider yourself l-u-c-k-y, regardless of size. You had a good run, my love.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s