If Fifty is the New Thirty, Frumpy is the New Chic

It looks like a shoe to you, but to me, it looks like a form of torture.

It looks like a shoe to you, but to me, it looks like a form of torture.

I went to the library to get The Fasting Diet after seeing the author on PBS and hearing him on NPR. I am intrigued by this idea that periodic fasting can improve one’s over-all health and slow the aging of the mind.

While I was there, I also borrowed a couple of cookbooks. I’m planning to torture myself by looking at all those glossy pictures of food while I’m fasting.

I also picked up a book titled How to Look Ten Years Younger. I have to admit that when I first read the title, I thought to myself, “Want people to think you are ten years younger? Have a baby.”

Yes, that’s been my experience. Because I have young children, people assume I am in my thirties, not my forties. I’m not vain enough to believe that it’s my youthful good-looks, but at the same time, no one—so far—has asked me if my children are my grandchildren. And believe me, that is something every old mom fears–“Your grandchildren are adorable. Do you get to see them often?” Cringe.

Still, I couldn’t resist. I checked out How To Look Ten Years Younger, too, and it was the first book I opened when I got home. I didn’t read the whole thing, but I skimmed it enough to know that I am doing two things that make me appear older and therefore, frumpy.

  1. I always wear flats. According to this book, I should wear heels and instantly, I will look younger, thinner, and sexier. Eye-roll. Even as a much younger woman, I couldn’t wear heels without suffering some pretty horrific foot-pain. During the bridesmaid years–you know, those years in which you are in a wedding almost every weekend–I stood at many-a altar in a satiny dress and dyed-to-match heels visibly weeping. Those tears had nothing to do with joy and everything to do with foot-pain. I couldn’t wear them at 20. I can’t wear them now.

 

  1. I wear my reading glasses either on my head or around my neck when they aren’t on my
    I love my reading glasses. You won't find a more versatile accessory. Sometimes, they are a headband. Sometimes, they are a necklace. And sometimes, they are glasses.

    I love my reading glasses. You won’t find a more versatile accessory. Sometimes, they are a headband. Sometimes, they are a necklace. And sometimes, they are glasses.

    face. According to the author, if I’m not reading, I shouldn’t be wearing them anywhere on my body. Again, that is great in theory, but I’m very dependent on my reading glasses. I can’t see without them and so I need to have them with me—and where I can find them. I can usually find my head and my neck.

So, I guess I am just going to go on being frumpy, and if I really feel the need to look ten years younger, I’ll just have another baby.

Just joking. Not happening. I hope not anyway. Never use age or fatigue as birth control…

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